


Hikare Are

by moimoi_chan



Series: Because 3(+) Is Often Better Than 2 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Heavy Angst, M/M, Movie Night, Multi, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23327449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moimoi_chan/pseuds/moimoi_chan
Summary: Akiteru is there when Kei is born, there when Kei swears off volleyball, there when Kei starts dating.And now, Kei knows that Akiteru won't be able to see any more of his milestones. Because Akiteru is dead.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Because 3(+) Is Often Better Than 2 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527005
Comments: 15
Kudos: 198





	Hikare Are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chaoticpansexual](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Chaoticpansexual).



> I hated writing this man, I hate writing angst but I love it so much. But it's like I'm incapable of writing any fluff/ happy things. So a big round of applause to @ChaoticPansexual to requesting something that plays to my strengths.

_start_

\- 

Akiteru is there, the day Kei is born, when his brother is a small boy, holding an even smaller bundle of blonde in his arms. The smile on Akiteru's face is _blinding_ , and it almost rivals with the bright lights of the sterile hospital room. 

Akiteru is there, the day Kei starts his first day of school, and Kei remembers how Akiteru hugged him and promised him that everything would be okay. _Everything is not okay_ Kei grumbles, as he flips through the Tsukishima Scrapbook. _You're gone and I'm still here. Why am I still here?_

Akiteru is there the day Kei swears off volleyball, swears off love, swears off anything that could possibly make him _hope_. Kei remembers slamming the door in Akiteru's face remembers slamming closed the door that once opened the tight relationship with his brother. Now Kei regrets, because the years he spent he running, could have been years he spent talking, spent apologizing. 

Those years should have been years where Kei should have loved his brother. 

Kei flips past too many photos of him scowling. Kei flips to a happier page, flips to where Bokuto's arms are wrapped securely around him, and Akaashi is settled nicely on Kuroo's shoulders. Akiteru was here then, too. when Kei told him that he loved them, told him that they would never have enough space in their already complex relationship to fit someone like Kei in. 

Kei, with all his problems and insecurities and thank _gods,_ was wrong. 

But none of it matters, not much anymore. It all goes down to this: Kei is here, suffering, and Akiteru is somewhere else, somewhere where Kei cannot reach out to him. 

\- 

Surprisingly, on the day of the funeral, Tsukishima feels put-together. That's not the correct word for it, he supposes, but he knows this isn't how someone is supposed to be when their own _brother_ dies. The person who practically raised him. People are supposed to cry and refuse all contact and stay in the same clothes for _days_. But Tsukishima-

Tsukishima just feels _empty_ , like someone took the minimal amount of things he could feel, and scooped them out. Tossed them away with his brother's dead body. 

"Are you okay?" Bokuto asks, caught between hovering over him--like Yamaguchi--or cuddling him--Like Akaashi, and most times Kuroo--. 

"I feel...actually I don't know what I'm feeling," Tsukishima says with a dry laugh that turns into a coughing fit. Bokuto hands a tissue apologetically, and with a smile that isn't quite like Bokuto. Tsukishima wants Bokuto to smile at him like he usually does, bright and happy and Tsukishima wants to believe to for a few seconds that everything _isn't_ going to shit. 

"That's okay!" Bokuto says hurriedly and plops down beside Tsukishima, helps him loop his tie. For some odd reason, Bokuto is the only one who knows how to tie ties, despite him being the only one who doesn't wear them. "That's normal, I heard, to not know what to-"

The only person who tied Tsukishimas ties were _Akiteru_. It hits Tsukishima like a big fat reality check. He makes this little chocked noise, and grabs onto Bokutos arms and grips him like a vice. There are tears in his eyes, and Tsukishima doesn't even bother to wipe them. He just cries and cries and _cries_. 

"....Tsukishima?" Bokuto whispers his name uneasily like Tsukishima is some fragile little baby. It makes some cruel furl up in his gut, and Tsukishima wrenches his hand away.

Bokuto looks at him with a hurt expression, and guilt comes crashing down on him. It's like he can't do _anything_ right today. "I'm s-sorry Kou...it's just, Aki-nii used to tie my ties like this, and-"

Tsukishima sighs, and slumps down slightly, want to try and make himself small in the presence of someone whose personality is so _big_. "I'm sorry."

Bokuto grimaces for a moment then waves his hands around in a typical Bokuto-like manner. He says a bunch of things Tsukishima can't really understand, but Tsukishima smiles at him softly and leans over to kiss him softly. 

"Come on Kou, let's go give the fuckers the best eulogy they've ever heard"

-

After the funeral, many wives and husbands and children with sad somber faces come to Tsukishima and tell him," _I'm sorry for your loss_ ". They're not really sorry, they can't be, because half of these people don't even know his brother at all. They don't that Akiteru likes it best when its daybreak, and that sometimes he goes out to sit and paint the sunrise. 

They don't know that Akiteru hated store-bought and street sold _dango_ , and claimed that no one could ever make it as their mom could. Akiteru hated the heat, and liked to freeze instead. 

Case in point, how can these people be _sorry?_ They don't what kind of person Akiteru was, or what he did for fun. They don't deserve to be here, watching Tsukishima cry like a baby into Akashi's shoulder. 

-

"Can we...can we not go out for date night? Please?" Tsukishima asks quietly, while his boyfriends run around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to get ready.

Tsukishima knows that without a doubt, that Kuroo probably had some fancy dinner planned, something to get his mind off of everything that happened. Or maybe it was Akashi's turn to pick and knows that somewhere out there is a cute little restaurant that neither of them has been to yet. Maybe its actually Bokutos turn. In that case, Tsukishima can picture some bar or an arcade or _somewhere_ with drinks and a dance floor that screams _get loose_. 

Kuroo grabs the back of Bokuto's shirt to stop him from running into the wall. Akaashi walks in from somewhere, looking twenty-five percent decent--he's not actually wearing pants, so Tsukishima doesn't know what's going to go with that navy blue sweater that oddly looks like it came out of _his_ drawer--.

"Did you say something?" Akaashi asks and takes the pair of jeans that Kuroo tosses to him. "And why aren't you dressed yet? Is everything okay?"

Tsukishima squirms on the bed slightly--where he is indeed dressed in his house clothes--, but enough for everyone to pay attention. "I said...I didn't want to go out tonight. Maybe you guys can go on if you want, but I-"

"Can we watch that movie Yama-Yama bought us but never actually watched?" Bokuto says suddenly, two inches away from Tsukisima's nose. Tsukishima smiles and leans forward to peck him twice. Bokuto grins back. "What's it called again?" 

" _A Long Goodbye,_ " Kuroo says, as he holds up the case. He leans forward to kiss both Bokuto and Tsukishima. 

"I'll go make the popcorn," Akaashi says, and starts walking towards the kitchen, and has traded his jeans for sweatpants. "I don't trust those two in the kitchen alone"

"You trust them _anywhere_ alone?" Tsukishima says and smiles at the betrayed expressions Kuroo and Bokuto give him. 

Akasshi laughs and Tsukishima can hear him rustling about in the kitchen. "Ah, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking Tsukishima"

-

The movie, _A Long Goodbye_ , is nice. Very nice. Tsukishima does not cry at all, but Akasshi does, Bokuto too. 

Kuroo most of all. 

But its nicer like this, when Kuroo is wrapped so comfortably in Tsukishima and Tsukishima can't feel his legs because they're trapped somewhere under Akasshi who's curled into Bokuto. 

_Things might be okay_ , Tsukishima thinks.

-

_finish_

_-_

Okay, he did lie, just a bit. Tsukishima does end up crying, and quite a bit too. So Tsukishima cries, and curls into the closest appendage he can find, to hide his tears. 

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you guys are interested in KageTsukki, then please be on the lookout for my upcoming story "More Than Like". 
> 
> P.S. Request here people: https://forms.gle/afasa6TxscvUzSgW8
> 
> P.P.S. Please let me know which ones you've seen, or are going to see. 
> 
> -Watch Charlotte man, you guys need to watch if you haven't. Especially if you like those 0-100 animes. Y'know the ones where everything is super cute and fluffy and then BOOM, plot. 
> 
> \- Watch Violet Evergarden if you wanna get sad, rq. I mean, I managed to hold on for the first few episodes and I was like 'I thought people said this was sad'. Turns out, I bet one of those episodes will have you sobbing like a baby, and that for me was Ann. And then after that, I cried every single episode. 
> 
> \- Watch Usagi Drop if you like those super-duper sweet/adorable family ones. Its about this guy who takes in this girl Rin, because the rest of his family won't step up to the plate bc Rin is the result of a scandal. It so sweet, and so cute and I did NOT cry. At all.


End file.
